I am a hopeless romantic and a firm believer of love. Yes, I am and I’m not afraid to tell the world of it. It could be the many flicks I’ve seen through the years, the cheesy quotes on Pinterest or simply the love I’ve seen throughout my existence—from my family, my friends and the people around me.
I cannot deny, however, that my heart wandered for such a long time. There were times when I thought I’ve found a place for it, only to realise later on that those shelters were only transient. This sounds cheesy but yes, I fell in love so many times. I broke my heart so many times too. Let’s just say that I’ve reached the point where I almost gave up on love. Well, that was after a five-year relationship ended. I dreamed of forever then, but it all turned to dust in the blink of an eye. I had a taste of what real love is, that it hurts.
But that’s the thing about love. It hurts when it’s real, it teaches you lessons that will hopefully make you wiser on the next try and it somehow manages to give you hope that there’s someone out there who will love you no matter how the previous relationship hurt.
I must say, I like to be in control. In fact, I had this future mapped in my head where I will get married at 25, have kids, live in a beautiful house, drive a nice car and get everything I want. But as fate would have it, things didn’t turn out the way I planned. I turned 27 and lost what I thought was the most important part of my life—my relationship. But as I thought that God had already abandoned me, He manifested His great love for me by answering a prayer—something that I always had in my heart but never had the courage to do, to let go.
I asked Him for a sign and He did swiftly. In fact, He answered me right after I prayed. As I finally let go of the thing I was holding to for five long years, he didn’t let my heart wander endlessly long enough—He gave it a home.
It has been eight months since that night but I still can’t help but feel in awe of His love. The home God gave me wasn’t perfect at all. Pretty much like the stable Jesus was born in, God gave me a home that was simple, imperfect and in many ways, human. It started happy, took a dive deep into misery, turned back up for the better and hopefully, stay that way for good. The home God gave me wasn’t something I expected but it was something my heart secretly longed for. It was something I never planned but something my heart prayed for.
My heart thought it found its home for five years, but it didn’t. That temporary shelter was only preparing it for something great, something that would make it ready for whatever life will throw at it. My heart grew to be stronger, braver and wiser through the years. It became the heart that I wanted it to be—one who will choose happiness, forgive despite the hurt and love more each day.
After 27 long years of wandering, my heart finally found a home and with God’s grace, it will be where this heart will grow old and lay to rest when it will beat its last.